I always ask myself if I would be able to distinguish between a jerk, fake, and a chancer. The reason being, I always fall for people who end up hurting me. Am I cursed? That is a question I always ask myself. I tend to be trustworthy and understanding when I am interested in knowing someone but my kindness get returned by demising deeds and I end up feeling demineralized. Weird I know... I have been sharing a flat with someone whom I thought is a kind and giving person, or maybe I was blinded by the fact that he talked a lot about God and how he gets disgusted by the behavior of people sometimes especially when they act horribly. At the end of the day, he turned out to be a nightmare to handle. I believe he's got a mental condition or something, and the highest possibility is that he is a spoil brat who never got to learn what struggle mean. I always get baffled by those who think they can buy their way by flickering their flipping notes around. Money can not buy your sanity, nor happiness or people who will regard you as a friend. Consideration is the key to my believe that, it keeps you at an equilibrium point with your peers and they get to appreciate the person in you. Now, what intrigue me most is, how do I know that the next person whom I meet who wants to build a friendship with me won't hurt me in the long run? I am not perfect either but I know where to draw a line. What characteristics does one needs to peruse before you open your doors of friendship to a passerby? At this moment I am happy just being in my own space. That is watching TV, reading, being on my laptop when I am not at work and sleep. Is this an indication of isolation on my part? I think so... But fuck it, so long as I am not hassling anyone I am happy the way I am. It helps to have time to yourself most of the time, to review your way of being. I love it... The way of being is define nicely below:
This WAY OF BEING is based on direct observation. (It is not a projection of ideals, or an attempt to solve physical or material problems, or to create wealth, or to possess power). It is a personal submission to the Great Way, not in defeat, but in LOVE, as recognition of the great strength, power, and wisdom.
Its purpose is to serve Being, by bringing into awareness and putting into practice, the sacred responsibility of caring for its growth. We know, that in order to take good care of something, we need to be sensitive to its needs. We must also have some idea of the purpose which is expressing itself in the form of these needs.
So, before we speak of caring for Being, we might ask "What is the purpose of Being?"
Observation only reveals that Being is change. So, perhaps what we can honestly say is that all we really know of its purpose is this changing. As Human Beings we have a choice. We can embrace this changing, or we can fight against it.
I call this changing process growth, as a reminder that Being is a living thing. Being, growth, and health are one and the same. The way of Being is caring for its growth, and its health is a reflection of its quality.
Growth is the natural state of Being, but the quality of its health encompasses great extremes. It can be restricted and stifled, or it can be forced and strained. But both of these efforts actually weaken it. The strongest, most powerful, and long lasting growth, occurs naturally, without any manipulation whatsoever. For this reason, it is so important to allow growth its own time.
In reference to guiding growth to produce an envisioned result - this is actually weakening too. Being determines its own way, and takes its own form, in its own greatest strength, when its incomprehensible wisdom is trusted and allowed.
But this is not to imply that an individual has no part or responsibility in growth. The exact opposite is true. The kind of allowing that is required is so subtle that constant vigilance is necessary. One's senses must be kept open and receptive, in order to be as responsive as possible to the unique stimulus of each moment.
But at the same time, one must not interfere or distort the will of wholeness, by becoming disconnected from it in selfishness. This is one practical reason why many spiritual teachings urge us to reach beyond the limitations of our personal point of view.
Being naturally cares for the needs of each and every distinction of its parts, but it has such an unexpected way of doing this, that its care also contains the subtle teaching of its own nature.
Through conscious practice, it nurtures and feeds itself by giving and receiving. Neither of these can be practiced to the exclusion of the other. Both are important and necessary.
In this way it trains us to be attentive, and to serve it willingly and responsibly. One becomes its trusted and reliable servant
The senses - of perception, intuition, reflection, and feeling of all kinds, are highly refined capabilities, and are invaluable when used with the skill of experience. This must be said because, as a culture, we have been taught to distrust and invalidate this realm of experience, and to rely only on the proof of rational, intellectual, and logical thought.
But the senses are actually a direct connection, and a way of "understanding" that which is not rational. They teach when they are recognized and honored, and they grow as they are used. Actually, every ability and talent of our form is a part of purpose. And, it seems that purpose in our lives has to do with their integration, allowing Being the ever greater and clearer expression of its way.
There are many things that can interfere with this way, but the main one is simply ignorance. The value and wisdom of this kind of growth is not common knowledge. So, an integrated awareness of the way to allow Being must be learned and practiced. Learning is found on every sincere path, and our lives are our sacred practice.
Being is One, so an obvious example of this practice is to treat oneself and the other with the same sensitivity and quality care. There cannot be strong growth of one and not the other.
All is One and grows as One.
It is for this reason that compassion is considered important, and why judgment is considered as something to be avoided. Compassion opens the heart, allowing energy to naturally flow, resulting in strong growth. Judgment is essentially a refusal to accept what is. It creates a kind of friction which restricts the flow of energy, and weakens growth. The practices of extending compassion and refraining from judgment, lead to a greater unity in awareness, and a greater ease in Being. So these are important in caring for the Whole.
There can be great difficulty when it is realized that the opening which is necessary for giving and receiving, is also an open door for negative energy. But this is really a blessing in disguise, because it forces one to find the strength of an even deeper understanding.
The awareness that includes both positive and negative in its growth, it truly whole, and allows one to serve wholeness. From this point of view, it can be seen that all kinds of energy are food for growth, and that which we commonly react to with a negative interpretation (insult, disrespect, disagreement, pain, hardship, etc.) are really lessons for us. When we rise to meet the challenge, we are automatically embodying every available resource of our Being.
This is the way Being naturally integrates itself. When this is understood, we can be more relaxed in the process, and even learn to experience it with appreciation.
The wisdom and knowing of Being speaks to us in all aspects of growing. And the natural sensitivity within ourselves, which we nurture through our practice, can sense and understand it, just by being it and noticing it.
Over time, a trust grows, and a skill develops. Then the practice of flowing with it, of allowing it to determine itself, and make of us an ever more understanding, sensitive, and responsive part of it, becomes a service.
But all along, no matter at what stage we may find ourselves, we are truly practicing our sacred responsibility as living creatures. And this practice is ultimately the essence of value and meaning.
It has no goal and it has no end.
It arises out of LOVE, as the expression of Being itself.
It satisfies itself in its own Being.
Our senses do naturally guide us in this direction. My own sensing of a need has prompted me to write down these thoughts, which originally grew out of my own need and practice. They are meant to nurture the growing awareness. Not to be rigid rules.
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