Me Now. . .

This year has been a remarkable yet a discovery. And, it continues to be what I never thought it would be.

Remarkably - I am happy to have been in a stable and loving relationship for over two years now and still loving it and I am proud of myself.

Discovery in a sense that I got to love myself, enjoy my life and be happy with what I am doing, the career path I've decided to take and embrace. And, the love I get from my family is such a bliss.

Although I have been messing up the healthy life I lived all this years, I've decided to STOP smoking and continue the way I was i.e. Living a healthy yet fulfilling life knowing that by doing so I can prolong my life span.

India.Arie - Ready For Love

Impressed.

This is a different take in my life.

I have always and strived for things to take a better route.

And, I am currently happy with the way my career life is taking off and I thank God to finally showing me the light. I am going to keep the same momentum to ensure I attain what I dreamed of years ago.

The day after. . .

The funeral went extremely well. But one thing for sure, my home place is flipping cold.

There are a couple of highlights but nothing beats me bonding with my half brother. He is a replica of the handsome me, but not when it come to personality.

Now, it is time to head back down to Cape Town and get my life on the road.

The thought of loosing someone close to you is daunting but reality wise one has to face the music and deal with the loss the best way one can. Really Tuelo Lucas Montshiwa's soul will rest in peace. He lived as a Hero and died as a nonpareil.

Also, there is nothing that can be compared to a supportive family. The Montshiwa family is the best family. I love them all.

May his Soul rest in Peace

Sometimes it is a blessing to welcome a new wonderful life on this earth. We rejoice and we have a million dollar smiles on our faces, the euphoric feeling is priceless.

We make plans for the little one, uncles and aunts contemplate how they are going to spoil the new born baby while the parents are most grateful and looking forward with the hope that the child get raised accordingly and with strong principles that they get to be proud of their little bundle of joy.

In ones life cycle there is what we call the period when ones heart stop beating. We postpone this day every minute of everyday. And, we reckon and hoping that we don't get to experience such an awful time.

Death is inevitable, one way or the other we are all going to die someday. It is just a matter of when and how.

I am preparing to go back home because last week I received dreadful news that the most inspirational person in my life passed on to the other side. By Saturday I will be burying Lucas Tuelo Montshiwa.

It is times like this when one looks back and recall the moments you once shared with the one who passed on or those whom you missed.

Tuelo has been an inspiration and there were times when I wanted to be like him. Level headed and family orientated, and there were times when he was all up in my face making sure that I push myself. And when he did not like what you did he would tell you. He was the kind of a person who did not buy face.

May his soul rest in peace and I hope he will finally rest in his last place of rest on this planet.

Whom to trust now-a-days?

Coming form work this afternoon, as usual, I switched on my TV and I changed channels. I wanted to see the last part of Oprah. I was shocked after I realized what she was discussing.

The show was about this middle aged dude who used to be molested by his mother from his early teen years. Now, that got me sick from the stomach.

I am still asking myself a question, " If a mother can do that to a child, what does that leave a child's principle, love and trust?".

In South Africa we hear every day how men molest little girls and boys, how women get raped, killed and mutilated. But, it is seldom you get to hear a story of a mother having done such malefic things to her kid(s).

A mother is regarded as a pillar of strength, the root that grows deep, deep down. But, what does one do if you are face with such an evil mother?

I mean, if those people you are close to and they are close to you do those things to you, how the hell are you going to love and trust anyone in the future?

I am not excusing what men do to hurt kids, but we know men are pigs, well most of them. There are still good men out there.

The guy was twelve when his mother started using him for sex. WTF?

I wish there could be a law that deals with these monsters harshly. Since they violate others human rights, then obviously they don't deserve to be tolerated.

I am still shocked, and pissed.

In order to keep peace. . .

Those around us especially those we love tend to put us in an awkward situations now and then. Sometimes by mistake or uncontrollable circumstances.

One is expected to accept things the way they are despite how those things affect one's principles or feelings.

But there is one thing that those who expect us to put a happy smile don't realize, that is how much we hurt for pretending we r ok with everything. I guess sometimes in order to keep peace we do not say or show how we feel around those we claim to love and protect, but we do not realize how ill those feelings makes one feel inside until it is too late. I guess that has nothing to do with one being selfish. . .

Few days left

I must say I enjoyed working for my previuos employer for the past two and a half years. But, there comes a time when one is in search of an oomph to enhance one's career move.

I am excited about the decision I have made, that is resigning. And, I am looking forward to broading up my horizon where I am going and I am planning to make the most of it.

Companionship

Being far away from family tends to take a toll on me. I have been trying to relocate closer to my family, and since I am picky with whom I want to work for, that has not been a success venture.

At the moment I believe I have decided to settle in Cape Town (for the time being). I am looking forward to my partner telling me that things are looking great but now I am glad that my baby sister is staying with me.

Sharing a flat with one of my most adored siblings I enjoy the company, the reminiscing and most importantly to have someone to listen to without being judged vice versa.

I am glad I convinced her to come stay with me at least I have someone closer. After my big sister left Cape Town I kinda felt alone. That feeling is gone. All I ought to do is enjoy these good moments. . .

Wake Up before it is too Late. . .

Sometimes I tend to step back and look at the way people are live their lifes.

Sometimes, OK, most of the time I enjoy stepping back and looking at the way I live my life and I am glad to say that the majority of my life journey is dedicated to me being me and not caring what others think.

When I look at some other people I tend to notice that most of them live a lie. They are out to impress. I do that sometimes, but I do not enjoy myself. So, whenever I am in a company of people and I do not enjoy myself I am aware that I am not myself and at that moment, those people around aren't making me part of the their clan.

Is it human nature that we tend to live a lie in order to impress the other human being and in the process deprive ourselves of living our lifes? I mean life is too short to dwell on living someone else's life or being hidden under their shadow.

Poison

You’re bad for me I clearly get it
I don’t see how something good could come from loving you
The death of me must be your mission
Cause with every hug and kiss you’re snatching every bit of strength
That I’m gon need to fight off the inevitable
And it’s a heart breaking situation I’m up in, but I can’t control

You’re just like poison
Slowly moving through my system
Breaking all of my defenses with time
You’re just like poison and I just don’t get it
How can something so deadly feel so right?
I’m not sure of what to do it’s a catch 22
cause the cure is found in you I don’t want it but I do
You’re just like poison
My affliction, I’m addicted, I can't lie
Kiss me one more time before I die