The story of my relationships

So, have you been in a relationship or met someone whom you end up spending the night with? Then in the morning you are puzzled, and the only thing that you can do is to ask yourself," What the hell have I done?” Don't get me wrong, I do not do one night stands nor have friends with benefits. One night stands revolts me. Why? Well, my last relationship ended because of them one night stands.

I have been through different kinds of relationships before, but there is one that takes the cup cake. I was involved in a relationship in 2006 till late 2007 which ended up in a disaster, and left me with emotional scars in the process. I am over that, and I am glad my work was there to keep me busy. I don't talk about this part of my life a lot, but I think it is time I put it down on paper. There were things that bothered me a lot within this relationship, but there is no greater feeling in being aware that there are people who are there to help you out with what ever problem you are faced with. My friends were there for me, thank you guys.

I don't know what changed, all of a sudden I saw myself sacrificing a lot of thing that mattered to me. This is what I had to go through:

• Declining of an opportunity to study for masters at Wits. Why did I do this? Well, my partner kept on telling me that if I go and study in Johannesburg then I will not only be uncommitted in the relationship but I will be moving on with my life alone. My partner insisted that I try enrolling at UCT or UWC or still stay a student at Stellenbosch University.
• I also turned down a scholarship offered to yours truly to go to Japan and do masters there. For what? I ask. Well, for the sake of being with the one I believed loved me.
• The worst thing is that, I was expected to spend every weekend at my partners place. Quality time I was told, and then what happened? My school work started suffering, but I made sure to pull up my socks during the week to make up for lost time. Funny enough, the weekend ended up the both of us fighting.
• There was one thing that always puzzled me. My partner always wanted to know all my friends, and where I have met them and what do we say to each other. If I put down a phone I get to be asked, “Who was it? And what he or she saying to me?” No problem with that, but to be asked all the time, hallooooooooo! That spell jealousy, an extreme one for that matter, well, your phone might as well be bugged.
• My so called x partner had a house, and I was always told, the house is my home too. Funny enough, when decisions were made, I was not consulted. I then told my x partner that there in no use in saying the house is my home but I am not consulted or simply told of anything that happens. That led to a lot of disputes. My x partner would cover the situation by saying I was being surprised. I was surprised indeed.

• There were times when I felt like being alone or go visit my friends. I will do that, but when I return to the house my x will be tempestuous. If I leave I have to say where I was going and when will I be back, but my partner would leave without telling me where to look if something is wrong.
• I was expected to be by my ex.’s side at all times when my x is having a get together with friends, a bbq or something.
• My partner always reminded me about past relationships that did not work out and If I am planning to do the same thing, I have another thing coming. I was reminded regularly re my ex.’s time at prison. Too much baggage for my liking.
• My x used to buy me a lot of gifts of which I refused most of them. The only thing that I accepted was a phone and a laptop, but they were seized from in a malicious way when I wanted out. The news of me wanting out were not welcomed, I was labelled a gold excavator, unattractive and selfish person.
• My x was so "concerned" about me to extend that jobs were explored on my behalf and I was told which one will be best suited for me. Where the hell was my self-esteem? Mmm…
• My family were fond of my ex, but I never spend 10 minutes with my ex.’s family.
• I am not going to touch the mood swings and violent tempers. Those ones were eldritch and shuddery. I feared for my life. I remember the kitchen door got smashed and dismantled.
• Everything that escalated was always seen as my fault. Silly I, I always kept quiet when my partner screamed a storm in the house. I was regarded as the cause of the screaming. Screaming for simple issues? Well, professional help is needed.



Above all this, I got to realise that my ex's is someone who lacked confidence and self-sustenance at that time. So, whoever was around, had to feel the same. I hope you understand what I mean by this. I ended up doing a lot of introspections and I decided to call it quits before I self destruct. The baggage from my ex's youth life and other previous relationship experienced made it not easy to have a normal relationship.

Due to the fact that I ended the relationship when my x least expected. I was called a gold digger, anti spyware (my ex got into my emails account with out my permission, examined my phone messages and asked one of our mutual friend to translate those written in my mother tongue), but now it turned out that my ex's current friends are told I am the one who was doing that. Apparently my ex bought me a car (my ex's current friends were told) , and on top of that I left, leaving my ex with a debt of over R30k, which I caused. Oh man, what did I buy?

The only things that I got out of all the relationships I was involved in, is to love myself first before I can love the other person and be there for the person who is in my life, by talking things through and sure as hell not to be a victim by ignoring the inner voice. I gained control of my life and I don't intend to let anyone take control of it while I am still alive. I strongly believe each and every relationship is a lesson and I have learned at least 30% of such.